Thoughts

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Ask an amputee.

Why is cleanliness next to Godliness? And who put it there?

If true beauty comes from within, why do we flush everything that comes out of us down the toilet?

Of course beauty is only skin deep. A sexy spleen won't get me laid.

What does the FBI have to do with furniture?

Why is it a "health plan" is how you plan for being sick? Shouldn't it be a sick plan?

If God is all, and I eat this carrot, am I eating God?

If God is love, then when you say you love me, can I just say I God you?

Why do we have a sunrise and a sunset, but no moonrise or moonset?

Why do we say "heads up!" when something is flying at someone's head? Shouldn't Wouldn't "heads down!" make more sense?

Why is it that a dog house is where a dog sleeps, but a cathouse is where a prostitute doesn't?

Speech should always be free, since silence is golden.

If living when you were going to die is called a 'near death experience,' shouldn't dying when you were going to live be called a 'near life experience'?

Jesus is our shepherd? Doesn't the shepherd usually lead the lambs to the slaughter?

If I am out of my mind, where the hell am I?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... blame the cat.

Can I drink Dr. Pepper, and not BE a 'Pepper'?

If I am what I eat, and I eat you, do I become you?

If Justice is blind, how can she read that scale she's holding?

Misery loves company. But company doesn't love misery. Poor fucking misery!

"What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander". I hope my wife never says that while holding a dildo and a rope.

Before Jesus could walk on water, could he only tread on thin ice?

Why do they call it a Fire House? The one place they never start fires... Shouldn't it be a Water House?

Does anyone know what the deal is with the people who are writing instructions for cooking tv dinners? Are they losing their grasp on reality? Whenever I read instructions now, they all approximately sound the same:
Heat on Low to High Heat from 1 to 45 minutes, or until cooked. Use caution as food may or may not be hot.
Why not just say "Preparation Instructions: Add heat until cooked."