It's a matter of pride that when I am in Germany, I only want to speak German. Now contrast that with people who come to the United States and live here for 10, 20, even 30 years, and can barely say 'toilet'.

There's something wrong here, and I think it's because of our attitude of babying people by giving them just enough in their own language. This allows them to 'get by' and thus keeps them from ever being forced to learn the damn language of the country and start functioning like someone who lives here.

And that brings me to my next question...

Since when is it our government's job to express itself internally in foreign languages? Why do I have to look at driver's license applications in Spanish, Korean, Vietnamese, Farsi, and soon Swahili and Belgian? Why is it anyone's 'right' to have a government sponsored translator at the hospital in the language of your choice? Am I losing my mind here?

If I go to Germany, Finland, or any of the 'socialist' countries in the world, I don't have this 'right'. So at what point did we decide that it's an obligation to spend countless funds translating regulations, applications, and other government generated gobbledygook that are hardly comprehensible in English? Is it really necessary that these people be able to read things that WE ALL KNOW no one reads anyway in their 'native' tongue?

Here's a novel idea... how about learning the language spoken by the preponderance of the country? Naah...

Maybe you're offended by what I'm saying. If so, cool. Keep reading, and getting offended please. At least you're doing it in ENGLISH. Kudos to you. But I find our country's attitude toward selectively coddling popular minorities at my (the tax payer's) expense offensive.

I take offense to this in two ways.

First, it is not a policy which is applied consistently. I can't get a driver's license application in Gaelic or Swahili, so why in Cantonese and Spanish?

Second, it is not, as many would submit, a policy which is based on need. I propose that a Gaelic speaker who can't speak English has just as much need of a driver's license as does a Spanish speaker.

If it is a matter of aggregate need, then I propose that the aggregate need of Spanish speakers to comfortably take the driver's license test in Spanish is not nearly as strong as their aggregate need to learn English and function at a higher level in our society. Perhaps the added impetus provided by not having these resources in their native language would provide much needed incentive...

Finally, I'd like to say WHAT the HELL? Why are we giving out voter pamphlets in anything other than English? It is a requirement to become an American citizen that one must speak and write English.

If this is a requirement, then all citizens should be fluent in English. Somewhere along the line, something is going horribly wrong. Either citizens are raising their children to NOT speak the languge that they in fact speak, or (more likely), people are becoming citizens without meeting the requirements for becoming a citizen.

What country in the world can you move to and demand education, voting rights, government forms, etc. in a DIFFERENT language? Only here. We're the morons.

If you move to France, you learn French. If you move to China, learn Chinese. If you move to Germany, hide all emotions. And if you move to the United States, learn ENGLISH. It will help you more than it helps anyone else.

In fact, you have millions of them.

This is a fascinating concept that manifests everywhere... it's totally ubiquitous. And it's fascinating to think about the repercussions. When you become aware of Mind Viruses, you start to see them everywhere... But what are they, and how do they control our lives?

The idea of a mind virus is truly exactly what it sounds... it is the realization that thoughts are CONTAGIOUS. Richard Dawkins is the first I can find who spoke of this and the idea of Memes (for another discussion). But the basic idea is that thoughts are contagious. For better... or worse.

Napoleon Hill was hired by Andrew Carnegie, during a time when Carnegie was literally at the top of the world power pyramid, to write a book that he would later call "Think and Grow Rich". If you haven't read it, get it... it will change your life.

After 10 years of researching, interviewing and studying all of Carnegie's amazingly successful contacts, Hill came to a few conclusions that were universally true. The first is that all truly successful, self-made people are optimists. The second is expressed in this quote: "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future." All successful people learned to surround themselves with other, like-minded motivated and optimistic people.

By being around success, they caught the 'virus' of thinking patterns and behaviors that lead to success...

It's a fascinating concept... and should wake you up to the fact that this can be used for both good and bad. Ever find yourself humming an advertising jingle that you loathe? Getting into relationships like your parents had that you swore you'd never have in your life?

Become aware of Mind Viruses... use them to your benefit. Program yourself with good viruses that you get from surrounding yourself with excellent people... Books are an incredible opportunity to 'catch' incredibly powerful viruses from the greatest thinkers in history.

This affects every aspect of your life... from the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the relationships you have to the THOUGHTS which govern your life and health.

"Stand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously." (Eddy, 1906)

If you're going to catch a virus, make it a good one, one that infects you in a positive way, and then spread it to all your friends. This is my virus to you.

for fun:
Watching movies curled up in bed... mainly your friends' videos of you saying stupid things while drunk in Cabo. I administer spankings as part of a public service program... I poke badgers with a spoon... ask for a free demonstration.

my job:
OK, I train wild ferrets at children's birthday parties.

my education
My little golden book collection rivals yours. Most everything I know I picked up from reading the ingredients of things at the grocery store. I have an IQ of 178, 961, and I've focused it all on creating new words like banalogy and libidon't.

favorite hot spots:
I like small and cozy bars, and wild and crazy coffee shops. If the word 'sushi' is involved, i'll roll over like a yellow lab. My favorite travel destination is definitely Earth... i just can't get enough of it.

favorite things:
My favorite thing is when we watch puppies and kittens eating ice cream while walking on the beach at sunset under a rainbow and shooting stars with a full moon and lollie pops falling from the sky.

last read:
There was this little white trailer the police put by the side of the road, and it read: "Speed Limit: 35 MPH Your Speed: 117 MPH" They're SO considerate helping me calibrate my speedometer! I didn't think my bike could go that fast!

I first started picking up on this principle when I was in college. When I met a girl at a party, in a class, or at the coffee house where I studied, I'd talk to her in a way that was very nice... I was polite, thoughtful and considerate. I'd show a lot of interest, ask a lot of questions, furrow my eyebrows and nod my head a lot. Sometimes I'd put on a skirt and a wig and offer to go shopping with her. Well, not really... but looking back I realize that I may as well have. Because even though I'd very often get a number, almost always I'd end up lost in Friendville...

The girls I met this way would systematically walk all over me, ignore me, not call, not return my calls, and simply flake. If it was highly convenient for them, and there was a way to use me, then perhaps I'd have the honor of their company, where I'd be expected to buy them a meal and play tour-guide in exchange for 'the hug'... You know the one I mean... the hug where there's a force-field around her hips that creates two feet of empty space between your stomachs, and a nice pat on the back to boot. Ouch.

I noticed something else... (I had a lot of time to observe things, since my social calendar made Ted Kaczynski look like a daring socialite). Every once in a while I'd see one of these girls out again, and they'd be out with some guy who was a total jerk. He'd make fun of her, ignore her, check out other women, and just be generally unavailable to her... and she'd hang on his arm like a rhesus monkey.

As for me, occasionally I'd get 'lucky', and meet a girl who had been in a relationship with a jerk, and who was treated so poorly that my attention felt good to her... for a short while. But sooner or later, she'd return to the jerk for her 'fix'. Or sometimes, I'd have a girl pursue me, and I wouldn't be all that into her, which seemed to drive her nuts, and make her all the more after me lucky charms. I saw a theme developing... a pattern I couldn't explain.
At the time it seemed like the most confusing thing in the world... why would a woman want to be treated poorly? It seemed that more the woman was ignored, the more invested she became, and the nicer she was treated, the deeper into 'Friendsville' I found myself? Women's attraction to men who are 'jerks' is a universally accepted phenomenon, yet the nice guys remain nice...
...and lonely.

So why does an attractive woman ignore a 'nice guy' to end up in the arms of some 'jerk'? To understand this, you must first put yourself in the shoes of an attractive woman. You have to understand her reality and how you fit into it.

To help you understand her reality, let me give you an example... Imagine you are walking through the Louvre museum in Paris... This is a giant museum filled with some of the greatest masterpieces of our civilization... Paintings worth millions... many that are priceless... works of art that define our culture, our society and our civilization.

But... there are 12 miles of paintings... after walking around for a few hours, you're so overwhelmed by all the artwork that all you see is just another painting and another painting and another painting. You are in sensory overload, and even though these are great works of art, it gets to the point where you are sort of sick of it, with the exception of the few paintings that REALLY JUMP OUT AT YOU.

Every once in a while, you come across something totally different and fascinating, and it captures your attention. But all the other paintings, even though they are masterpieces, just sort of disappear into the background.

This 'jaded' state of mind is the mind frame of the attractive woman being approached by men. Like those paintings, you may be a masterpiece in your own way, but if you are to stand out to her, you must DISTINGUISH yourself from the other men out there... or risk disappearing into the background.

Now, for an attractive woman, there's nothing unique or interesting about having you come up and tell her how great she is and how much you'd like to kiss her ass. An attractive woman is approached anywhere from 5 to 47 times a day, every day, day after day for years and years, so she's heard the same thing so many times, she probably feels like she can see into the future, because she knows what you're going to do and say before you even walk up and say it. While this approach may be unique for you, to her it is happening CONSTANTLY.

However, it is rare and fascinating when a guy shows he DOESN'T need a woman's approval... when he shows he's just as valuable as she is. And how do you learn to project this message? By learning from the behavior of successful 'jerks'.

I think of it like this: everyone wants to do the best that they possibly can when it comes to catching a mate. It's human nature, the basic economics of dating... the calculus of attraction. If you're with a 7 and you think you can get a 10, you're going to be on the lookout for that 10, looking for an 'upgrade'. Here's the catch: we don't come out of the womb with a number stamped on our foreheads. For a man, it's clearer when a woman is a 9 or a 10 to him, because a man's attraction to a woman is mainly determined by physical appearance (hip to waist ratio, breast size, ratio of eyes to nose to lips, symmetry, etc).
However, for a woman, attraction to a man is determined by very different factors. A woman will place much less emphasis on a man's appearance, and will judge his attractiveness more by personality traits. Thus, for a woman, the game is much more complicated. It is unclear to a woman if a guy is a 6 or a 10 until he DOES SOMETHING, either good or bad, to demonstrate his character... is he confident? Is he funny? Is he insecure? Guess what? This is what is killing your game... and you know what?

THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR YOU!

Because of this fact, you can change yourself from a 4 to a 9 or 10 by changing the way you present yourself to a woman... no costly plastic surgery, hair implants, ass implants, or designer wardrobe needed. (well, the ass implants may help a bit...)

So how does this work? Well, women are universally attracted to the qualities of confidence, composure, dominance and power... the qualities of the Alpha male. So here's what's wrong with being a 'nice guy'; when a guy is 'nice' and kisses a woman's ass, compliments her, tells her how much he likes her, wants to spend all his time with her... the scoring mechanism in the woman goes 'hmm... well, he's pretty into me... I must be able to do better; and, conversely, he probably can't do any better than me.'
So she searches for a better match.
The guy, who probably realizes he can't do any better, starts freaking out as he feels her slipping away, and gives off an even more insecure and needy vibe. This cycle continues until the woman ultimately leaves him for a man who 'gets it.'
What is that guy who 'gets it' like? He's the one the 'nice guys' call the 'jerk', the 'asshole', or the 'bad-boy'. The jerk can take or leave the woman, doesn't care what she wants, thinks, or does. He is totally indifferent to everything she does, is unaffected by her games, and is consistently displaying that he doesn't need her approval.
He busts on her, breaks plans with her, forgets to call her, and she comes running back for more. Why? Because the message to her is LOUD AND CLEAR:

"I'm a 10 and you are lucky to have me. By the way I treat you, it's obvious that there's no way you could do better... and if you look at how I treat you, you'll realize I probably CAN do better than you. So you'd better treat me well, because I just may leave you for a woman who is a 10."

This attitude triggers a mechanism in the woman that says: I've caught a guy who is the best I could possibly do... maybe better than I will ever do again! And as a result, she will do anything, (and I mean ANYTHING) to keep him.

Now you don't have to be a jerk or an asshole to get her to view you as a 10... By simply refusing to kiss her ass, by displaying your willingness to walk away, to remain unaffected by her theatrics when she tests you, and to tease her as you would a girl you're not interested in, you send the same message (without all the emotional scarring).

So the bad news is that the way you treat yourself is making you look like a loser.
But the great news is that you can choose to set your own price. You determine your worth by the way you hold yourself, and the way you treat yourself in relation to her.

It's like the Matrix... you create your own reality.

So the next time you're approaching a woman, remind yourself of this simple fact: if you treat yourself like a 10, you will be.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Ask an amputee.

Why is cleanliness next to Godliness? And who put it there?

If true beauty comes from within, why do we flush everything that comes out of us down the toilet?

Of course beauty is only skin deep. A sexy spleen won't get me laid.

What does the FBI have to do with furniture?

Why is it a "health plan" is how you plan for being sick? Shouldn't it be a sick plan?

If God is all, and I eat this carrot, am I eating God?

If God is love, then when you say you love me, can I just say I God you?

Why do we have a sunrise and a sunset, but no moonrise or moonset?

Why do we say "heads up!" when something is flying at someone's head? Shouldn't Wouldn't "heads down!" make more sense?

Why is it that a dog house is where a dog sleeps, but a cathouse is where a prostitute doesn't?

Speech should always be free, since silence is golden.

If living when you were going to die is called a 'near death experience,' shouldn't dying when you were going to live be called a 'near life experience'?

Jesus is our shepherd? Doesn't the shepherd usually lead the lambs to the slaughter?

If I am out of my mind, where the hell am I?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times... blame the cat.

Can I drink Dr. Pepper, and not BE a 'Pepper'?

If I am what I eat, and I eat you, do I become you?

If Justice is blind, how can she read that scale she's holding?

Misery loves company. But company doesn't love misery. Poor fucking misery!

"What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander". I hope my wife never says that while holding a dildo and a rope.

Before Jesus could walk on water, could he only tread on thin ice?

Why do they call it a Fire House? The one place they never start fires... Shouldn't it be a Water House?

Does anyone know what the deal is with the people who are writing instructions for cooking tv dinners? Are they losing their grasp on reality? Whenever I read instructions now, they all approximately sound the same:
Heat on Low to High Heat from 1 to 45 minutes, or until cooked. Use caution as food may or may not be hot.
Why not just say "Preparation Instructions: Add heat until cooked."

"Research concludes that men are more deeply hurt by separations than women. Men tend to cling longer to dying relationships, and they fantasize longer about their former partners after it is over. On average, men take about twice as long to recover from failed relationships as do women...

...Women express more distress, while men tend to feel more distress but not show it as much...

...It may seem paradoxical that males appear aloof but bond more strongly while females, who seem more openly interested, feel freer to leave. Perhaps the explanation lies in the paradox itself. The sense of being
overly committed already makes men wary of further commitment, while women are freer to pursue intimacy because they worry less about being trapped by it.

The common opinion that women are more emotionally dependent than men shows how nature tricks us. A woman wants a higher level of emotional involvement and is more readily upset when she does not receive it, thereby appearing more dependent. Yet she is more independent, in the important sense that it is easier for her to leave a
relationship and to go on with her life. A typical man is more emotionally dependent in the important sense that he is less able to leave or to withstand the loss if the woman leaves.

The logic of genetic selection accounts for these perplexing traits. The woman who appears dependent obligates her mate to stay and provide for her, thus giving her children an advantage. She makes a man feel responsible for her because she could not make it without him-or so it seems. Yet when it is in her practical interest to leave, her relative independence makes it easier for her to do so than it would be for him.

For men, genetic selection works the other way around. The man who appears strong and stable gives a woman confidence that he can support her, thereby increasing his chances of mating with her and producing offspring. Yet the sense of obligation that bonds him to his wife and children leaves him with less real independence than she has."
This is taken from a book entitled "The Stronger Sex" by Dr. Richard Driscoll, Ph.D. pg 46-47

So just remember, during a breakup, while a woman may cry, whine, sob, pout, and generally act like a two year old, it's probably the guy who is really hurting on the inside.

But as of today, July 15 2005, this is the coolest toy ever...

I recently went to New York City, and before my trip, I scoped out the neighborhood where I'd be staying... Check this out... Anytime you go to a new city, country, on a date in the same town, or fee like invading Cuba, I'd go and check it out on here first! When I arrived in New York, I knew where everything I wanted to see was located in relation to the posh upper-west-side shoebox I was staying in.

I've also used it for checking out different potential travel locations... See, it's got the ability to view the world in 3D! We're talking topology, baby! I wanted to find a mountainous region of the Peruvian Amazon, so I found the appropriate river, and tracked it up until I found a mountainous region (thus ensuring waterfalls). This is sucha great tool for adventure travellers like me... Just kick-ass!

I'm going on a trip in a few days, and I can check out the city, the rural areas I want to go to... everything. Fly to china... plug in your address and see if your car was in the driveway... Un Freaking Believable. Go play with it, but be sure to give notice at your job first...

Go get it for FREE at: http://earth.google.com/